Why Remarkable Leaders Give Trust Before It Is Earned

Welcome to Friday 411, issue #160. In 4 minutes, with 1 insight and 1 action, you'll discover the biggest mistake leaders make when it comes to trust.

You can't change someone's trustworthiness until you first increase your trust-giving-ness

Over the last few years we've asked thousands of leaders one question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is trust on your team?

The lowest score we've heard was a 7.

Most leaders tell us 9 or 10.

Trust is not a hard sell. Everybody agrees that it's important. Yet plenty of good leaders keep making the same mistakes, usually without knowing it.

In the audio clip below, we talk about one of the most common trust mistakes with our Unleashed Community.

▶️ Listen here

Here's the summary if you'd rather read than listen:

The Mistake Almost Every Leader Makes

We expect people to earn our trust before we give it.

That sounds responsible, even wise. You've been burned before, so you hold your trust back until someone proves they deserve it.

But look at what that does to the person waiting on you. They can't prove anything because you haven't offered them the ability to prove anything.

Lao Tzu said it this way: "He who does not trust enough will not be trusted."

The First Driving Lesson

Think back to the first time you handed car keys to a teenager. You found a big empty parking lot, maybe a church lot on a Tuesday, and you climbed into the passenger seat while they slid behind the wheel. We have done this three times now, once for each of our kids, and every time it meant giving trust long before it was earned.

If you've taught someone to drive, that kid had done nothing to earn that seat. Nothing. No driving record, no history of good decisions at fifteen miles an hour. You gave trust that had not been earned because there was no other way for them to learn.

Nobody learns to drive from the passenger seat.

One of Three Things Happen Next

Once they put foot to gas, one of three things happens. Each outcome tells you what to do with the next round of trust.

• They blow past what you expected, and you catch yourself asking where they learned to handle a car like that. Next time out, give them a bigger challenge.

• Or they land right where you expected. It's rough in spots, but it's exactly where a beginner should be. Assign them a slightly harder task.

• Or they miss it. They bump a curb or come within a foot of the one parked car in an otherwise empty lot. Pull the next one back and make it simpler.

Trustgivingness, Not Trustworthiness

You gave trust to that new driver before they ever earned it. That's the correction to the mistake that most leaders make.

You cannot control anyone's trustworthiness. That belongs to them.

You can only control your trustgivingness, your willingness to extend trust.

We mix those two up all the time. We decide someone isn't trustworthy before we ever give them enough trust to find out. We keep them in the passenger seat, then point at their lack of experience as the reason to keep them there.

What Happens When You Give Trust First

Give trust first and you learn who people really are—fast.

Some of them will surprise you. Others will show you exactly where they need coaching, which is actually the best way to retrieve that data.

Your people will grow into trust that gets handed to them. They will shrink under trust that gets withheld.

1 Action

Name one person you've been slow to trust. Pick one task you can hand over to them this week. Did they climb above, fall below, or meet your expectation? Adjust your trust-giving-ness accordingly.